INTRODUCTIONBIOSELECTIONS: LIMERENCE100 THINGS AND COUNTINGA WEEK WITHOUT LYINGACTING MY WAY TO HAPPINESSANCIENT WISDOM BEHIND NEW AGE THINKINGBE YOUR OWN ORACLE PART 1 OF 2BE YOUR OWN ORACLE PART 1A OF 2BE YOUR OWN ORACLE PART 2BEWARE THE CUDDLE DRUGBRINGING YOUR BEST DISHDOES SAYING NO MAKE YOU A BAD PERSON PART 2 OF 3DOES SAYING NO MAKE YOU A BAD PERSON? PART 1 OF 3DOES SAYING NO MAKE YOU A BAD PERSON? PART 3 OF 3EMOTIONAL CHEATING PART 1EMOTIONAL CHEATING PART 2FANTASY AS FOREPLAYHERE WE GO AGAINI AM NOT MY FACEI ASK TO RECEIVEIF I WERE A STREET SWEEPERIT'S 2012: TRY SOMETHING NEWSOLUTIONS FOR THE OVER-THINKERTHE MESSAGES WE SENDTO STAY OR TO WALK AWAYWHY DOESN'T HE CALLWHY WAIT?MORE: LIVING
FANTASY AS FOREPLAY
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Hormones fuel your sex drive. They also taper off as you age. Consequently, most people accept the inevitability that their sex life will eventually flat line.
Don't pull out the defibrillator just yet. You can save your waning libido if you are willing to be proactive.
I’m not saying it’s time to dig out your naughty nurse outfit unless of course you want to. But I am saying that it’s time to stimulate your most powerful sex organ – your brain.
- Start talking: A sexual conversation quickly gets your juices flowing by triggering a chain reaction in your body. Your brain registers imminent sex and gets ready. Don't worry about what to say. You have plenty to talk about like the sexual adventures the two of you have had, fantasies, or exciting scenarios that you'll never do. It doesn't matter. Don't be shy. Don't use words that make you feel uncomfortable or self-conscious, but do push the boundaries of your imagination. This open dialogue creates closeness as you share intimate thoughts with each other.
- Flirt: At one point or another your spouse or longtime partner was the object of your desire and attention. You probably flirted, dressed to impress, smiled a lot, and felt attractive, and, in turn, helped your partner to feel the same. If you bring the playfulness back into your relationship, your sex life is sure to improve.
- Fantasize: Think about the scenarios and acts that are exciting for you. Your wandering thoughts generate the same physical reaction as talking. Fantasies can cover anything from sex you'd like to have with your partner, or with Brad Pitt, or the team of Chippendale dancers. It's not cheating and you are not depraved by letting your fantasies run wild. You are just fueling up for your partner. If you are adventurous, ask your partner to share his or her fantasies. Remember, fantasies don't threaten your relationship, they enhance it by revving up your libido. It is okay if the two of you are excited by differing scenarios. Listen and share. Don't judge. Fantasies can lead to experimentation or not. It doesn't matter. What does matter is building and maintaining the connection between you.
- Seduce: When it comes right down to it, we all want to feel wanted. Taking one for the team every third Tuesday doesn't make anyone feel loved or wanted. Bring your enthusiasm. Be in the moment. Let yourself feel sexy. You don't have to go for the clichés of champagne and chocolate, or to go over the top with a serenade. The art of seduction can be as simple as initiating sex or letting your partner know that you find him or her attractive. Seduction can also include creating a pleasing environment with music, wearing perfume or cologne, or something as simple as wearing something nice to bed rather than the old ratty t-shirt. Most people feel connected to their partners when they feel listened to. A seductive evening can boil down to eye contact while letting your partner know he or she is sexy and important to you. You can then offer a kiss that proves your point.
- Build anticipation: Take advantage of your brain's ability to get the party started. Call your partner and drop a hint about what's in store for later. The imagination takes over and both of you have all day for mental foreplay.
- Become a voyeur: Nothing's wrong with getting a little outside help. There are plenty of erotic movies and books that are just what you need to activate your imagination. Watching or reading with a partner can be a lot of fun and a great icebreaker for trying new things.
- Take time for each other: This is the oldest trick in the book. Spend time together. Ditch the television, computer, phone, or anything else. Time alone can remind the two of you why you chose each other in the first place. Nature will take its course.
Keeping your sex life alive may take effort but it is truly worth it. You'll live longer, sleep better, and reduce stress. It's great exercise, improves cardiovascular health, and keeps the blood flowing. It’s fun, burns calories, keeps your relationship special, and helps you to feel more alive.
When you were younger, anything from a strong wind to a random thought could get you going. As you age it takes a little more than that. You may be juggling jobs, kids, and responsibilities, but an active sex life is one way to ensure the stability of your relationship and home life.
As Dr. Phil says, "A good sex life is 10% of a relationship, but an unsatisfying one is 90%."
© 2011 Shira Block, ALL RIGHTS RESERVED